this blog is going to be very real, raw.
like not as in it's a sad story or anything.
i just have something i really want to say and i don't feel like spicing it up with fancy words and witty punchlines and nice grammar.

okay, so. accounting class today. i have this dude i talk to sometimes in there. we have a mutual friend so we usually strike up conversation. today, this kid friggin blew me away. first off, he's a really funny kid. our personalities are very much alike. and between making hannah montana jokes, he asked me if i read the bible. i said yes, but i told it had been a hot minutes since i had done it last. when i say hot minute, i mean i dont remember the last time i did. and it used to be a very regular activity for me. he then proceeded to ask me if i wanted to read it together sometime, and i agreed. i was absolutely blown away by how the casualness of this conversation had been so, well... casual. anytime in the past i had ever tried to speak of my religion to another. an almost stranger at that. im absolutely horrible at it. i automatically assume that they dont really care what i have to say. what i say isnt going to matter. theyve heard it all before. and who i am to teach someone something at which im not a very good role model of myself. he didnt show the slightest sign of fear. its like he was really just asking me because it was something he really genuinely liked to do. like he was asking me if i wanted to go to mcdonalds. he then invited me to his church and i invited him to mine. his eyes lit up like he had just found out elvis presley was still alive. later on in the class he turned around and asked me if i would sell all my things to move to another country with him. i said yes before he could get the sentence out. we talked about money. how we generally didnt have much care for it at all. he told me all he wanted to do was help people. and that he liked to run fast. everything this boy said to me made me remember my old self. and the person who is still in me that i absolutely love. that i forget about a lot. that doesnt have much say or much thought received its way. not anymore at least. but it was such a good feeling to bring her back. or to at least open my eyes to a few things. i realized how simplistic i am. and how much i really do put too much value on materials. and how much i hate myself for doing that. and all it took was this boys passion. he was so passionate and outright devoted to his one single cause, and i admire the hell out of him for that. it was something i hadnt seen in a long time. and something i know i have never felt. a feeling that i would give my right leg to feel.

hello all,

My life has went as follows: nice girl stage, i don't give a shit about you and if you don't like me i don't care i have the right to be a bitch stage, and now a stage i'm deeply adoring. Love. Not like "I'm so deeply in love with my boyfriend/girlfriend and they're my whole word" (not that there's anything wrong with that.) I simply mean, giving people a chance kind of love. Not judging people kind of love. Making small conversation with strangers kind of love. The stars are so beautiful love. I'm in love with life, the people on it, and the beautiful Earth outside. I genuinely care about people. I find the good in people, and most of all, I forgive. And I don't mean this in a way that I let people walk all over me, because that is not the case. I just really understand that I've done wrong in my life, and people have certainly forgiven me for it, so why wouldn't I do that with others? Of course, I won't forget. I will think about it every now and then and it might still piss me off. But, I won't let it get in the way of our friendship. And I will certainly try to understand that maybe you are having a bad day when you don't say thank you when I hold the door open for you, or maybe you're just in a hurry. But let this be known, I am not posting this blog just to yell out to everyone that they should do the things I do or that I am an awesome person or anything. I just love having this mindset and have found that I am a lot happier this way. Peace and understanding,

&kady;